AaronRodgers could not have said it better regarding his isolation retreat:
“Be curious. Not judgmental. We are all on our own path, and doing things like this helps me find a greater sense of peace and love for life.”
How many can actually say their journey is peaceful? How many are actually working to make their journey better?
When we are judgmental this usually indicates we don’t understand something or we are not able to see the situation from someone else’s perspective other than our own. Being judgmental is a barrier to learning.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Having boundaries is an act of respect for yourself. It shows you and the person you’re in communication with that you value yourself first and foremost.”
Happiness is not found being with another person but is found within our soul as we find our purpose in life and realize at the end of the day we are our own best friend and the only person we can truly rely on is ourself.
All relationships, personal or business, we become involved in will be much more fulfilling when this occurs. Until then, relationships are just filling voids.
So many people are walking around who have lost someone to suicide or other tragic means and one would never know it unless a conversation was created.
Whenever I meet someone and listen to their journey I am no longer surprised at what I hear.
There is so much suffering in the world and people do it in silence.
We need a culture shift to become more connected because everyone is experiencing emotional pain in one way or another.
It’s not about BEING connected. It’s about FEELING connected.
If you are not feeling connected, please reach out and talk with someone and let them know or send me a message and I will listen.
2020 is now a memory. Gone but will never be forgotten.
2020 was home to illness, death, unemployment, homelessness, broken hearts and so much unanticipated anxiety, depression and a growing number of suicide attempts and completions.
Sounds like any other year but this one was quite different with the Covid Pandemic, being house bound, quarantined, masks being added to the wardrobe, no attending concerts nor sports, the closing of many businesses and being quite scared to go anywhere.
I know for me, I am lucky to be entering 2021 alive. I feel extremely Thankful. We have all had our share of challenges with some much more than others. Mine included anxiety from Covid due to being a healthcare worker in an emergency room anticipating a Covid illness while taking every precaution not to become ill, being hit by a drunk driver on my way home from work in the wee hours of the morning on September 10th and food poisoning in November which brought about more anxiety than I ever could have imagined plus a slow recovery and this was shortly after a Covid exposure from a coworker.
I have seen people come to the hospital and be admitted to the Covid floor with loved ones not able to visit. They left not knowing if they would ever see them alive again. Many days spent driving home thinking of them through tears of helplessness.
I have seen whole families Covid (+) and their elderly members suffering the greatest.
Nursing homes with Covid outbreak sending residents to multiple hospitals in a panic and then not taking them back until they have quarantined for 14 days.
People living alone with Covid anxious to return home to care for themselves sadly not wanting to tell other family members of their anxiety. The need to step in and assist with this conversation is what I do and will offer every time. Family members will listen if we talk to them and tell them what we need. It’s all about communication.
2020 has been a great example of the importance of living in the moment. We far too often live in the visions of our future. Visions are important but living is more so. Living in the moment sounds so ‘cliche’ but it really is all we have and should be doing. Your future self will thank you.
Plan for the future but don’t live there. Live in the now.
Here’s to 2021. No expectations. No resolutions. No thoughts of what is to come. There is only one day at a time and I am going to savor every moment as if it were the only one I have.
We are nearing the end of National Suicide Prevention Month.
My purpose: helping those in a dark place gain quality of life back and live in a world where they feel misunderstood.
The actions leading up to a suicide go unnoticed for many reasons. In no particular order:
People are really good at masking depression and thoughts of suicide.
People don’t want to talk about it because they feel people don’t want to listen.
Family and friends think “they wouldn’t really take their own life….they will be okay”.
Family and friends think the person is suicidal just to get attention and don’t take them seriously. PLEASE TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY!
Family and friends are not educated as to the signs that lead up to suicide.
People are fearful of helping their loved ones because “what if the family finds out”?
“He/she has a good life….what could they be depressed about?” “It’s all in their head.”
They go unnoticed because some don’t want to notice. Society turns away from mental health issues instead of embracing the wonderfulness of mental illness. Some of the most brilliant people have struggled with mental illness.
We often take ‘today’ for granted thinking the person will be OK ‘tomorrow’. The problem with that thinking is the person having thoughts of suicide doesn’t want to be here tomorrow. They are in such a dark place that there is no reason to be here tomorrow.
Some suicides/attempts are impulsive with no warning.
Often times, a week or two prior to a suicide, people research the internet for methods.
Many have actually seen their psychiatrist or therapist prior to an attempt but the conversation of suicide was not had or the relationship was not strong enough and the person didn’t share or minimized how they felt because they really didn’t want to be there. Maybe they were afraid if they said something they would be rushed to an emergency room and placed in a locked unit which seems to be the only treatment thus far when bringing up the word suicide IS locking people in a psychiatric unit. THIS SYSTEM NEEDS TO CHANGE..
Family and friends who do try to help… That’s really all one can do because at the end of the day if someone truly wants to end their life they will find a way.
I’ve known people who have received treatment and help and then went home and they are no longer with us.
Perhaps our treatment methods are not working.
There is no cookie-cutter approach when treating people with mental health concerns….. at least there should not be.
Whether one is a homeless person, musician, CEO, celebrity, housewife, teacher, police officer, lawyer, nurse, engineer…. I don’t have enough room to write every occupation…. just know that mental illness will find you as it does not care who you are or how much money you have or where you live or how successful you are.
There is much shame and guilt associated with suicidal thoughts and attempts and we need to learn how to communicate with people because it’s very difficult and can put the person at risk for another attempt or a fatal one.
I will say that I believe the majority of people getting help for their thoughts of suicide and/or their attempts go forward to lead successful lives and accomplish their dreams and goals.
I have often said that I don’t know that we can 100% prevent suicide but we can certainly do what we can to prevent the numbers from increasing. I will never label people as just a number because they are so much more than that.
Your role in this?….. Be a friend…..and then some.
Anger is an emotion. We have all been angry at one time or another. It IS okay to be angry. It is NOT ok to STAY angry nor is it healthy.
What we do with our anger is most important. We must look for ways to channel it through healthy, productive ways. No one said it was easy but it’s definitely doable.
With the awareness that we are angry and patience that the anger will subside and the willingness to approach what occurred with a calm demeanor, we will be in a much better position to resolve the issue.
Think about a car that is overheating.
You DON’t open the lid immediately or more steam will come out and you will burn yourself.
You DO wait untill the car is cooled off and then you go back and check for leaks or add fluid solving the problem in a much safer environment.
It’s really no different when it comes to anger.
It’s best to NOT react immediately or it can cause more anger and a hostile environment. There should be time to calm down and let the anger pass before addressing the problem that contributed to the anger to begin with. You will be in a better frame of mind, a safer environment and able to make decisions and resolve the issue.
Next time anger shows up and it lingers….. ask yourself “is this benefiting me or harming me“? Cool off. Let the anger pass or find productive outlets to channel the anger.
Life is too short to stay angry. Why do it if you don’t have to? 🤷🏼♀️
Another year has arrived. The last two have been quite unforgettable. 2022 is sure to not disappoint!
I have no resolutions for the New Year as I have in the past but I have much resolve. I am determined to continue to focus on what is important to me and the goals I have set for myself. I will praise my effort along the way. I will NOT beat myself down. As long as I am trying, I cannot fail.
My hope for All this New Year:
1. Get a physical and do so annually. Lab work tells so much about what is going on in the body. Know yours and know your health baseline. Mind and body are connected.
2. Sleep well and feel rested. Clarity is so very important and is clouded by sleep deprivation. We need good sleep in order to function, to think clearly and make good decisions. There have been times when my plate was so full I had to schedule my sleep. Sleep should be a priority.
3. View challenging situations through a different lens. In the absence of a new perspective, options are not always visible. There are ALWAYS options/choices. Some may not be ideal but they do exist and must be recognized.
4. Reduce bad stress and make lifestyle changes where necessary. Not easy sometimes but doable. Body and mind will thank you.
5. Lean into change with an open mind. Nothing has to be permanent.
6. Learn the art of not responding/reacting to every situation. No response can actually be a reaction. Ask yourself, “will my response/reaction be of benefit or harm to me?” Not responding is a healthier way of reacting to situations. Try it!
7. Practice self compassion. Be kinder to yourself. Be patient with yourself and others. Everyone is struggling with something.
8. Trust the gut. It rarely disappoints.
9. Limit social media. Less Facebook. More FaceTime with family and friends.
10. Seek professional help sooner rather than later. We only know what we know. We don’t have all of the answers ourselves and neither does Google. Seeking help is OK.
Life happens. Embrace it all knowing you are not alone in this vast universe.
If Today is not a good day…..Tomorrow IS a New day!
Christmas tradition in our family included going to church on Christmas Eve to the candlelight service. We would then gather at my aunts house which was down the same street from my home where she had prepared a program of activities. She played piano. We would sing Christmas carols, have dinner and were allowed to open one present. I loved Christmas.
I would wake up on Christmas Day and run to the living room to find Santa had eaten the cookies and drank the milk. There were always toys, dolls, bicycles, clothes and everything on my list. I can’t think of a time I asked Santa for something that he did not deliver. I look back at my early years and feel fortunate. Very fortunate.
My aunt still lives in the same house on the street where I spent the first 11 years of life. She is now 85. We moved when I was 12 and traditions at my aunts house would be gone forever. We moved again when I was 13 and shortly after that my parents’ marriage dissolved. That would be the end of many more traditions and the beginning of new ones.
Christmas feels different now. I don’t go to church on Christmas Eve. Singing Christmas Carols has always brought tears. Tears of the memories of what was and tears of what could have been and I am sure it has something to do with the estrangement from my father and the years spent in church singing such Melodies. I remember such a happy childhood. There is a void that can never be filled.
My favorite carol is We Need a Little Christmas. I can remember singing it with my aunt at her house for the first time.
The lyrics are poignant this year.
“For I’ve grown a little leaner, grown a little colder Grown a little sadder, grown a little older And I need a little angel sitting on my shoulder Need a little Christmas now.
For we need a little music, need a little laughter Need a little singing
Ringing through the rafter And we need a little snappy, happy ever after We need a little Christmas now.”
I really start getting into the holiday spirit around my birthday which is the middle of December. This year I was a week into recovery from a three week severe Covid illness on my year around the sun. Thought I was getting better after the first week and then the cough came back with a vengeance and I was down another two. I am still not 100% healthy. Lingering cough they say will continue for awhile. It is actually almost resolved I do believe. Not my speedy self as Covid took me down and I had very little energy for two and half weeks and it will take some time to get back into full swing again. Now having heart palpitations which they say are post Covid symptoms so I’ll be heading to the cardiologist soon. Not thrilled about this. Covid is a beast!
Don’t get me wrong. Fortunate to be a survivor of Covid. I do count my blessings but I’m not going to let Covid take me out completely.
This year at Christmas I will be thinking of those recovering and those we lost from the pandemic and the lost lives and property from tornadoes. So much destruction, pain, trauma and sadness.
I will be thinking of the lives of those taken by drunk drivers. A drunk driver ran a red light and killed an off duty police officer and injured his wife and children. Happens every day. Senseless and so tragic.
I hope Christmas Day is filled with laughter, hugs and spending time with those who matter in your life. Those kinds of days seem few and far between.
Saying to someone who may be suicidal, depressed, anxious or suffering any mental health concern, “I hope they get the help they need“ without any action to actually help them is no different then saying the exact same thing to someone who becomes critically injured physically who can’t help themselves and requires medical attention.
When we know someone is struggling mentally there are many things that we can do to help them or we can walk away and ‘hope’ they get the help they need. The choice is there to be made but I assure you that hope is NOT a plan. 
If someone is struggling, provide the details and I will help navigate the options of helping them. If we do nothing, that choice could be deadly. 
If someone IS in treatment, don’t assume they’re in the best treatment.
We can debate all day what causes babies to be born and different birth control methods. That will not solve the problem but only perpetuates the problem.
The new abortion law in Texas will increase YOUR tax dollars as it forces women to have children they cannot afford to raise.
We would like to think that people know where babies come from and men and women alike would be more careful BUT the reality is they are not and women get pregnant. We are human and fallible.
I would like to add that men get pregnant as well because they have a major part in these pregnancies though they don’t give birth.
Birth control methods other than abstinence are not 100% effective and many people taking birth control end up pregnant.
I know women who are doing heroin and meth and all kinds of other drugs and end up pregnant having no business birthing a child unless they can come clean and hope that that child won’t be developmentally delayed or worse. Unless they have the baby at home, most likely CPS will come to the hospital and take the baby and they won’t even be able to take the baby home and now the baby ends up God knows where because our foster system Is less than adequate. Or better yet, grandparents will be raising grandchildren in their retirement years. That’s already a big problem. Innocent children deserve better.
Men have told me that “she told me she was on birth control“. What I have to say to that is take it with a grain of salt and use your own protection because men and women manipulate and lie to one another every day. Reality check!
We have now created circumstances where children will be born who may not be wanted, susceptible to abuse, possibly developmentally delayed or worse if the mother was using drugs and these individuals will turn into adults who are dysfunctional and we have enough of that running around already.
Our Texas constitution explicitly states that crime victims will be treated fair and with dignity. A woman who has been raped is not being treated fair nor with dignity if she is forced to have a child as a result of that heinous crime.
Wealthy women and men will have the financial means to go and get an abortion no doubt about it.
Low income women with children under the age of 18 can get on Medicaid and can do so when they become pregnant.
Unless they completely do away with the welfare system and the Medicaid system, which I highly doubt they will, tax dollars will have to be increased and they will.
Not to mention, the new law wants to punish ANY citizen for even using the word abortion when talking with an individual. That is ludicrous.
When it comes to the constitution, apparently ‘We The People’ does not include women.
If today is one of those days where you’re saying to yourself “I hate my life” or “I don’t want to be here“, please know that whatever you’re going through will eventually resolve itself and that there are better days ahead. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.
Sometimes we need a good nights sleep so we can think more clearly.
As independent as we all want to be, we only know what we know and there’s a vast world of knowledge out there that we don’t know. It is up to each and everyone of us to seek that knowledge. It is not going to fall from the sky. It is not even going to jump out of a Google search unless we know what we’re searching for.
Each one of us thinks a certain way based on what we know and when we get into a tight corner if the only thing we rely on is our own thinking we could end up staying in that corner for quite some time potentially never leaving.
Lessen the time of being stuck by taking a few deep breaths and, as hard as it is, reach out to a friend, coworker, spouse, adult child, hotline, primary care physician, therapist, minister/pastor, neighbor, and perhaps even a stranger.
I meet quite a few people who say they have no family or support. That’s when we reach out to a stranger who then can become our friend and our support.
Search for a group with similar likes. Perhaps it’s a music group, singing/karaoke group, book club, photography, guitar or a dance group. The list is endless. Create your own group and invite people in.
Seek safety in an emergency room if need be. Ask to speak to a social worker who can possibly listen and offer guidance.
It costs nothing to reach out and ask someone to lend an ear. Their reaction and response to you is NOT a reflection on you. Maybe they say they don’t have time or maybe they don’t even answer the phone or answer your text message. Do we stop there? No we keep searching and reaching out because someone WILL take the time and will listen.
I’m a stranger to everyone reading this blog but I assure you I have the time to listen to whatever it is that has steered you in a tight corner. I don’t have to know anything about you in order to care about you. That’s how I roll!
Let today be the day that you reach out to someone because one more minute stuck in a tight corner is one minute you could be closer to a better day and a better life and that’s what we’re all really striving for, isn’t it?
I have been saying for too long I was going to get back to walking and working out.
Today was the day!
I got on a treadmill with IFIT and was guided on an awesome walk with a warm up, periodic inclines and a cool down. I need the incline for the cardio workout. I walked 1.29 miles for 35 minutes at a good pace to start. I used to walk 3 miles per day and I will get there again.
I am not trying to lose weight. I want to stay healthy and I know taking care of the body is at the same time taking care of the mind.
Health anxiety is real and I am going to keep it in check and not allow it to control me. It does not occur often but even once is too much and can be a monster! I fully believe exercise will help.
What have you been telling yourself you want to do but have not made the time?
I Care. Let’s Talk. 