It is possible things could turn out better than expected.
We tend to think we have a crystal ball and can know what will happen in our future. Or do we?
Intolerance of Uncertainty will certainly destroy and leads to unnecessary worry. I say be prepared for anything but don’t worry about that which we have no control.
I had a follow up diagnostic mammogram yesterday and while they could rule out malignancy on the right they could not spare the same for the left. Now, I promise this will not turn political! 😁
This is not one of those exams one is looking forward to. Are there any? 🤔 Once a year is doable but two in the same month is cruel and unusual punishment. I know it could be worse.
The lady was highly compassionate and did her best as she took image after image trying to get what she hoped would win her ‘technician of the year’. There must be an art to breast imaging. Is it the breast? The technician? The persons body shape? The machine? There is no ‘awesome’ position to place the breast for that ‘magical photo’. Women need to ban together and create an imaging device that is able to do what the current ones cannot. They say, “hold your breath” while they ‘snap’ the ‘shutter’ and one can do nothing else BUT hold their breath while a vice grip clenches down. “There has to be a better way”, I said.
She took the images to the radiologist and came back stating he asked for a redo on some. She tried again and then asked for reinforcement from her peers to assist. I told them, “a few more and then the doc will have to take his best guess”. I said it in jest but THIS hurt. 😩
They were able to get the ‘poses’ they wanted and she told me to wait in the room outside for the doctor to talk to me. I sat in a pink robe among 3 other women in similar attire. We were all of various ages. I kept telling myself, “I have known so many friends who had breast cancer. Some recovered and some not”. Could this be in my journey as well? I certainly did not think I was immune to cancer. No one is. There have been some cancer but no breast cancer in my family.
A young male doctor opens the door and calls my name, “Ms. Hatter?” I followed him into a tiny room with two chairs, small desk and a computer screen. To be honest, so many thoughts were flowing in my brain I could not recite details of that room ever again and I have somewhat of a photographic memory. Not today.
He said, briefly, “we need to do a biopsy on the left side”. He said the right was clear and of no concern. He said, “the calcification could be due to aging or cancer” and we needed to find out. I am not sure I was listening after that. I know I had questions. I always do. Not today.
I scheduled the biopsy and headed to the elevator. Retrieved my car from the valet and headed home. I was feeling pretty calm telling myself everything is going to be okay. I got this!
I read over the test results as they are accessible through MyChart. I work in the medical field so I understand most medical terminology and what I don’t know I will inquire. On the result it said “suspect malignancy”. I lost it. Crying is an understatement.
Although I believe the biopsy will be negative, it would not surprise me in the least if cancer were to pop up. So much stress since I was hit by that dastardly drunk driver last September not to mention the stress and anxiety of Covid throughout 2020. If it’s not one thing, it is another.
I quickly gathered myself and reached out to a few close friends who brought me back to calm.
It was then I decided not to worry until hearing the results next Tuesday. Perhaps there is nothing to worry about. 🤷🏼♀️
I cannot spend 5 days worrying about something I have no control over. Where will that get me? Nowhere. We have more control over what and how we think than we realize but it takes effort and awareness.
I go back to work today from being off 4 days. I will focus on listening to music and house hunting. Music heals and I am in the market to buy a house.
Worrying is going to be off limits!!
If there is a challenge you are facing, ask yourself, “what, if anything, do I have control of in this situation”? I bet you will be surprised to find out…. it is most likely very little if any at all.
Change the way you think! It is doable and a MUST!
Every day is a NEW day!
~mh 💕😊
I Care. Let’s Talk. 